I dont know what Gods purpose is for letting you come back to my life just like that. Youve been away for uite sometime and honestly even if I have been hoping all along for you to come back...I never believed you would. Over the years I would still sometimes sit and wonder what if...what if you came back to me? And then you did...I was never the same again. Youre come back opened my eyes to so many things. Good and bad. I never expected we would be as close as we are now. Funny were even closer than before.

There are days where I just wanna let go. Being in the position that I am its not easy holding youre feelings back to someone so close. As much as I want to keep this so-called relationship JUST pure friendship somehow.sometimes at the back of my head THIS feelings still keeps on haunting me. No its not easy looking at someone in the eyes and realizing that you can never hold them and call them yours. But then again...more often than not I still thank the LORD for bringing you back into my life...again in time were Im not expecting you.

Last night I prayed for GOD to just take away this feelings if ITS really not meant to be. I asked him to help me let go. And then I told him how much I wanted to be with you. Then I asked him to help me be more patient and give me more strength if this LOVE is meant to be. I wanna believe that he will do whatever it is thats gonna make me happy whatever it is that will complete me.whatever its is thats good for me and him. whatever it is...I will still love god.

I dont think I can ever stop loving you. No matter what happens I know the love I have for you will always be there. It can never be erased. Not by time nor by loving someone else. Atleast 1/3 of my heart will always belong to you...scary I know...but thats how its gonna be...I know...I just know...

Just as the fray's song goes "there are certain people you just keep coming back to..." For 4 years I kept on telling myself that I am over you. I have been in and out of relationships, even thought that I finally found the person that I'de spend the rest of my life with. But then you kept on haunting me. The person that made me feel special in many more ways, the person that I thought I'de spend the rest of my life with, the person whom I thouht finally stole my heart from you...is you're bestfriend. No he doesn't know how much you mean to me. I didn't do it on purpose either. 3 years of not having communication with you made me realize that WE are not meant to be...or so I thought... Seeing you again after 3 years felt like I was back to never never land. You still have the same effect on me, as if it was just yesterday that you told me you love me. And not just like any other, my knees weakened and my heart was thumping like a bunny on ecstacy. My smile won't seem to fade... You made me realize that the relationship I have with you're friend is not perfect after all, infact you opened my eyes to the fact that I should be treated better than he treats me. So I gave it up. It wasnt easy doing so, because I have loved him as best as I can and I gave everything I can. But it didnt worked...its just not meant to be...

Now you're there. Single, just like me. After 4 years its as if we we're back to the same old game that we use to play. The foundation is so much stronger this time. We are friends, the trust and honesty are there to back up the "relationship" that we have. You still have the same effect on me, and you are claiming that we are friends...nothing more...

Over the years, my prayers never stopped. We had an unfinished business and all I ever wanted ever since is a closer. I want us to be atleast friends. I thought maybe in that case this feeling would just go away. And now after 4 years you came walking into my life again, now that we're friends I am not sure if I want us to remain friends...JUST friends.

I know somehow at the back of my mind being an "item" is just not possible right now. But I want you to know how grateful I am for having you in my life right now. For the conversations in the wee hours of the morning, for bringing me where I need to be when I am drunk, for making me smile on times when I feel like the world has turn its back on me, and for continously making me believe that miracles happen and prayers can be answered...

Todays you're birthday...

I was so estatic the whole day...thinking how you reacted to the birthday box I sent you. Wondering why you havent texted me yet that youve recieved it. A little bit worried that it mightve not arrived on time or worse...I got the wrong address.
Then I texted you fine it was just a forwarded message but I was thinking that might start the conversation. And off course I was right! You replied by saying that I rock and that you lovde everything in it. I was smiling by myself for about 30 minutes. Then I replied that Im glad you liked it.

Then I started crying...pathetic I know. But it was all tears of joy. Holy crap I even remember hearing myself say that I can die now because for the first time in ages I made you happy thinking how much I made youre day. I know...this love sucks. Its making me so dramatic and pathetic. But on the brighter side I realized how much youve taught me. You have taught me to love selflessly and unconditionally. Not thinking if I would get something in return. And just as I have said in the long run...it wouldnt matter if well end up together because I know that whatever the outcome may be...I will still have you even just for a friend.

Loving someone really makes someone settle for less huh? Settle for whatever it is that comes close. I wouldnt deny the fact that sometimes I still wish that wed end up together instead of you ending up with someone else but in reality...deep in my heart all I ever wanted is for you to be happy. And I know that if Im not the right one for you...in the end GOD will heal me and give someone that will make me feel a far more wonderful feeling than what I now have for you.

happy birthday...ü

Last night wasnt over yet when you told me that someone from the store gave you a ps3...uhuh PS3 that holy crap that costs around 45 thousand. It was given to you...what the...I gave you a freakin box that only costs 1 thousand all in all. hearing youre so called astig news made me sad...fine it made me freaking jealous. Anyway atleast I know that somehow I made you smile because you liked the shirt...

Loving you has introduced me to so many new feelings. I guess thats what loving does for a person. It makes you settle for less and it introduces you to so many unfamiliar things and feelings. Every person that enters our lives has their own ways of being significant to us. It surprises me that everyday you give me so many more reasons to smile. You surprise me...it surprises me that I remember every single detail that you say about yourself to me that somehow before the day ends YOU will slip into my mind. There are times where the thought of you makes me smile...and there are just days where the thought of you makes me sad. Only because somehow I know that thoughts of you arent enough and because at the back of my mind there are just times where I just wanna give up. But then again...how can I give up? How can I give up when I cant even let you go? The grips too tight...It makes me sad because I am scared that I might not be able to spend time with you watching the sunset or watching a movie or going out of town and discovering new places. I wanna do those things with you. I want to introduce you to so many wonderful feelings just like what youve done to me...I wanna go to places that I have never been before and expirience their culture with you. I just...wanna be with you...

Sometimes I wonder if you think of me just like how I think of you...if you remember the small things about me that I tell you just like how I remember those of you...maybe not...Sometimes i just wanna get tired already. Get tired of holding on to something that is not so sure. This maybe the biggets cliche...but how can something that is wrong and unsure make you feel RIGHT and SURE just the thought of it? Writing this letters has made life a little easier for me. Because somehow I get to let you know how I feel or let someone know how I feel for you for that matter. You may not get the chance to read this...I may not be able to tell you all this in person. But atleast I have shown you and told the world how important you are to me.

I wanna hold on to the the promise that God and I have agreed on...that if this love is not meant to be he will help me let go and slowly heal me...because right now all I can feel is how HE gives me strength and being more patient.

Last night before I went to bed I texted you and greeted you happy birthday again. I told you that I wanted to greet you one last time before the day ends. Yeah I know...the whole drama of greeting you before the day starts and ends. And then you replied by thanking me...and simply telling me that I am the best...again that simple text made me smile again...holding on for one more day to Gods promise...